The most corrosive attitude was contempt. John Gottman of the University of Washington identified 'four horsemen' that predicted divorce.

People in such relationships tend to regard each other as best friends as well as lovers. Research shows a common pattern in happy long-term relationships. In a love relationship a person makes contact with something important outside the ego, and it can be a lifelong creative project. That leaves love as 'the most sane and satisfactory solution to the problem of existence,' in Fromm's words. However, many modern jobs do not permit constant creativity many are filled with routine. The artist or inventor or entrepreneur acts for a goal that is larger than the isolated self. In modern society, conformity was a misguided attempt to achieve the same sort of bond with a larger group.Ĭreative activity, Fromm wrote, is a good solution if you can find it. Orgiastic states were group celebrations that promoted a feeling of oneness (therefore overcoming existential loneliness).

The same basic solutions could be seen throughout human history, Fromm said.

The 'solutions to the problems of existence' that Fromm wrote about were ways of trying to overcome this loneliness, this separation from reality that is created by human consciousness Erich Fromm wrote, in The Art of Loving (1956), 'Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence.' Fromm was referring to a built-in problem that comes from being conscious of our existence, hence also aware of our apartness from others and our impending death.įromm wrote that humans could be afflicted by 'existential loneliness,' feeling tiny and isolated in a vast universe.

The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm